The End Is Near…

…and I’ve been too busy to blog about it.

I’ve got two workdays left.

Two.

That’s it.

Yeah.

It’s kinda hard to wrap my head around. Sure I’ve been saying goodbye to customers all month, but today I look at the remaining tickets and realize I only have five left, plus a couple of callbacks to deal with. Now, after I get through Monday I’ll still technically be working for the company for another month, but that’s just terminal leave and doesn’t really count. So yeah….down to two more days. All the customers that I see every month…those I like…..those I don’t like….and those I don’t care about one way or the other…..I probably won’t be seeing any of them ever again. In some cases that’s a very good thing, but not in all of them.

It’s an odd thing. I’ve been working for my company for over 3 1/2 years now, and have been running my own route for over 3 of those years. Many of those original customers are ones I’ve still got, and most of the rest I’ve had for over 2 years. While I’ve felt increasingly frustrated and unfulfilled by my job as the years have gone on, the closer I get to the end, the more those feelings fade. Now, that’s not to say that they wouldn’t be hitting me full-force if I had a summer full of the same old grind to look forward to, but the ending of this period of my life has already started to put a haze over the bad feelings, leaving mainly the positive ones to reflect on.

There might be less melancholy about this transition if I had made some positive steps in finding a new direction, or even if I’d made a simple phone call to start the process of finding lodging in Huntsville, but progress is slow. Now, it isn’t slow for any good reason…at least not to my mind. There’s been a fair bit of my tendency for procrastination at work, but it’s more than just that.

Moving is scary.

No duh, right? Well, as obvious a statement as that is, the reality of living it is harder than the intellectual visualization of it. Even the move we’re making, which is honestly the safest one we could possibly make (given the number of family and friends we will be in close proximity to) is making me more nervous by the day. Again, this would likely be quelled by some forward progress, but I find myself struggling to pick up a book to finish it, or even to put pencil to paper in order to start a worksheet that could help me find my direction.

Granted I’ve been pretty tired lately from a combination of busyness with work, spending more time with friends, and really sucking at getting myself to bed early, but that should be coming to an end soon. Last week I decided that my first two days after leaving work (Tues. and Wed.) will be dedicated to letting my body recover from the past few months. I will sleep as much as I need to, I won’t pressure myself to work hard all day on packing and finding direction, and I will take it easy. It’s my hope that taking that time will enable me to attack the future with a fresh vigor, making progress in several areas.

Here’s hoping it works.

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~ by Jason B on April 26, 2007.

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